by Julia Gasper 8 April 2010

Spring is here at last and the sun is shining. But don’t get too excited. Here is some advice from Health and Safety on how to enjoy Spring without permanently damaging your health.

            Spring flowers may look pretty, but you should only take them in moderate doses. A clump of medium-sized daffodils are equal to one unit. A forsythia bush in full yellow flame is equal to two units. Small pastel flowers like hyacinths and anemones are only one unit, but a row of bright red tulips in full bloom counts as five, and you run a severe risk of over-excitement and high blood pressure. Two and a half units daily is all that is recommended for an adult of average weight and height.

            Birds are a safety hazard and their chirruping noises, especially early in the morning, may disturb people of nervous disposition. Switch on the radio or better still, wear headphones to protect yourself against the barrage of sound. Get an expert out to check your eaves to make sure no avian intruders are nesting inside your roof-space, or pecking holes in your satellite TV dish. Another dangerous sound is that of mowing and hedge-trimming machinery. If it sets off fits, retreat indoors and proceed as for migraine.

            The hay fever season starts as soon as your neighbours begin to cut their grass. Pollen from trees, flowers or verges can all set it off. When you go out, remember to take a large supply of tissues, and some goggles or better still, wear a gas-mask. This will also help protect you against bees, wasps and hornets which are starting to circulate among innocuous-looking blossoms. Orchards are a very high-risk area. If you want to go close to them, it is probably advisable to wear a complete space-suit.

            If you cannot get hold of a space-suit, remember to wear a sunscreen cream as the sun’s rays contain dangerous radiation which may lead to burns and cancer. Try combing your hair, if you have any, right down over your face, and wear big dark glasses when venturing out to your doorstep to fetch the milk.

            Finally, be on your guard against children laughing, and skipping around in parks in a carefree manner. Joi-de-vivre can be infectious, and it is all too easy to let their insouciant mood communicate itself to you!

                                                                                                  Julia Gasper.

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